Why Leadership Feels So Heavy

When I first became a principal, I was excited to lead a school of my own. The chance to shape culture, support teachers, and serve students and families felt like a meaningful opportunity. But right alongside that excitement was fear. Could I really lead an entire staff when I’d only ever managed a classroom before? Would parents trust my judgment? Would teachers follow my direction?

It didn’t take long to realize the hardest part of leadership wasn’t the hours or the workload. It was the weight of every decision.

The Constant Questioning

The decisions came faster than I expected. If it had only been one or two situations a day, life would have been easier. But it was never just one or two. There were student discipline issues, teacher shortages, frustrated parents, injured students, staff conflicts, schedule changes, technology failures, bus delays, carpool frustrations, and the never-ending noise of a cafeteria that felt louder than anything I’d ever experienced.

Each situation required a response, and there was no script to follow.

Do I act right away or give it time? Should I fully support the teacher or suggest an alternative approach? Is this the moment to be firm and set a boundary, or to be flexible and show grace? Do I ask for input, or make the call myself?

I second-guessed almost everything. Move too quickly, and I risked breaking trust. Waiting too long often allows the problem to grow worse. It wasn’t just the number of decisions; it was the constant weight of knowing every choice would ripple out to students, staff, and families. That’s what made leadership feel so overwhelming.

Searching for a Leadership Style

In those early seasons, I looked everywhere for answers. I read at night, listened to podcasts in the car, and asked respected leaders, “What would you do?” What I really wanted was for someone to tell me exactly what to do and for it to be the right thing just once.

What I learned is that leadership style develops over time. It comes from experience, trial and error, reflection, and the small wins that build confidence over time. The goal isn’t to get every decision right, but to develop the judgment to make stronger choices more often and to handle mistakes in a way that restores trust.

The Normal Struggle

If you’re in your first years, you’re not failing, you’re forming. Each tough conversation, each decision you wish you’d handled differently, each moment you choose courage over comfort are the very experiences shaping you and your leadership. Yes, you will fail sometimes. Failure doesn’t have to define you. If you learn from it and stay committed to growth, those moments shape you into becoming a stronger leader.

It helps to name what’s normal:

• You will sometimes act too fast, trying to prove you’re decisive.

• You will sometimes wait too long trying not to hurt relationships.

• You will lie awake replaying conversations.

• You will have days when you wonder if you’re cut out for this.

None of that disqualifies you. It’s part of how you grow.

Simple Practices That Lighten the Load

A few shifts made the daily weight more manageable for me:

• Pause, then decide. Not every question needs an immediate answer. When you understand the purpose behind what’s happening, the best response becomes clearer. A short pause to ask a few questions can make all the difference:

  • What’s really going on here?

  • Who needs to be heard before I respond?

  • What response will best reflect our purpose and values?

   

• Private coaching, public clarity. Coach individuals privately; clarify expectations and processes publicly. People feel supported and understand the standard.

• Name the next step. End tough conversations with one concrete action, a timeline, and a check-in. Clarity reduces anxiety for everyone.

• Close the loop. Circle back after decisions to share what changed and why. It builds trust and reinforces learning. Schedule a follow-up meeting on the calendar to review the progress, identify any necessary tweaks, and address any remaining gaps. 

None of these removes the weight, but they help you carry it better.

Why Every Leader Needs a Coach

Leadership is isolating. Even if you have a great team around you, at the end of the day, the final decisions still fall on your shoulders. You carry the responsibility for students, staff, and families, and there are very few people who truly understand the weight of that responsibility. You drive home replaying doubts, Did I handle that conversation the right way? Should I have made a different call? Other days, you leave after a big win, but no one notices, no one says thank you, and the moment feels smaller than it should. That’s why every leader needs a coach or a trusted circle of people who can help you process the hard decisions, recognize the wins, and remind you that you don’t have to carry it all alone.

A coach helps you think clearly when your head is full. They ask better questions, help you prepare for hard conversations, and remind you what matters most when everything seems urgent. They also celebrate the quiet wins that rarely make it to staff meetings or newsletters.

And this isn’t just for new leaders. Even seasoned principals benefit from support. The moment we decide we no longer need support is the moment we stop learning and growing.

Questions to Keep You Grounded

• How much are you investing in your own leadership development right now?

• How often do you connect with other leaders for real encouragement and honest accountability?

• Who helps you sort decisions when you’re torn between acting fast and building trust?

Through consistent habits, honest reflection, and the proper support, you become a more confident leader. The weight of decisions doesn’t disappear, but you carry it without as much second-guessing. The work becomes more enjoyable, and you start to find a rhythm that makes leadership sustainable.