The Emotional Rollercoaster of Leadership

As a school leader, I’ve learned that no matter how experienced or knowledgeable you are, one of the greatest challenges you’ll face is managing your emotions—and let’s be honest, not taking things personally. It’s not easy when the pressure is high, and the stakes feel even higher. You’re not only dealing with your own emotions but also navigating the emotions of your staff, students, parents, and the broader school community. So, how do you keep your heart and mind in balance? That’s where emotional intelligence (EQ) comes in.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Leadership

Let’s face it, as leaders, we’re human. We experience frustration, joy, disappointment, hope, and everything in between—sometimes all within the span of a single school day! For me, the hardest part has always been not taking things personally. When a parent is upset, when a teacher is discouraged, or when a student lashes out, it’s hard not to feel like it’s a reflection on you and your leadership. But here’s the thing I’ve come to realize: It’s rarely about you. It’s about the situation, the emotions that others are carrying, and often the stress of circumstances that we have no control over.

The truth is, you will never be able to control how people feel or react, but you can control how you respond. That’s where developing emotional intelligence comes into play. It’s the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions while also recognizing and influencing the emotions of others.

What Emotional Intelligence Looks Like in Action

Emotional intelligence is much more than keeping a poker face in tough situations. It’s about being in tune with your emotions without letting them control you. Here’s how I’ve found EQ to be transformative in my leadership journey:

• Self-Awareness: This is the foundation of EQ. Being aware of how you’re feeling in any given moment is crucial. Are you frustrated? Stressed? Overwhelmed? Naming your emotion is the first step in managing it. When I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I’m in control of how I respond.

• Self-Regulation: After becoming aware of your emotions, the next step is regulating them. This doesn’t mean bottling them up or pretending they don’t exist. Instead, it’s about channeling them productively. There have been moments when I’ve wanted to react in frustration, but pausing and responding thoughtfully has led to better outcomes every time.

• Empathy: As school leaders, we work with a wide variety of people, each with their own set of challenges and emotions. Empathy allows us to put ourselves in their shoes, to truly listen and understand where they’re coming from. This has been key for me in building strong relationships with my staff and parents. When people feel heard and understood, they are more likely to engage in productive problem-solving.

• Social Skills: Navigating the complexities of school dynamics requires strong social skills. Whether it’s mediating conflict between staff members, engaging parents in tough conversations, or motivating your team, EQ helps you communicate clearly and with compassion.

• Motivation: Lastly, a big part of EQ is staying motivated despite the emotional ups and downs of leadership. There will be difficult days, but keeping your eye on the bigger picture—on the impact you’re making on students' lives—helps keep everything in perspective.

It's Hard, But It’s Worth It

I want to be real with you—building emotional intelligence takes time and intentionality. There are still days when I catch myself taking things personally, but I’ve learned to give myself grace. EQ isn’t about being perfect; it’s about progress. Each day offers a new opportunity to grow as a leader and to lead from a place of empathy and understanding.

As school leaders, we don’t just lead systems, we lead people. And people come with emotions. The more we can develop our EQ, the better we can support our teams, our students, and ourselves. We can’t control the emotions of others, but we can choose to lead with emotional intelligence and, in doing so, foster a more supportive, understanding, and successful school environment.

So, the next time you feel like you’re taking something personally, remember—you’re doing the hard work of leading with heart, and that’s a powerful thing.